from da heart...

sometime i just dont understand.
or izit i just REFUSE to.
dah ader mataer but still nk friends with the rest, of coz laa can kn.
but lau nk jmp2 dgn sumone yg 1st of all knl mmng intention laen, den mcm, huhh?
lau ko da lamer knl mmng slalu jmp, mcm sec sch frens ke aper, members lu gua, ko aku, tkpe gak.
nie knl dr alamak/fster/facebook/tagged/etc da nmpk sah 1st intention nk menggatal wat, nk knl2, lau leh more then just friends.
tsk.

org kate, kalau kite diam, tk ungkit, buat bodo, lama2 kite will just forget bout it.
tp, lagi diam, lagi simpan, lagilaaah tk bole tahan.
lagi nmpk mcm2, lagi rase mcm2, lagilaaaa saket nie hati.

mmng nk stay cool. buat bodo. buat tk kesa gitu coz pade dasarnyer its not affectin anythin.
BUT I CANT!!!
i want to appear n show that i CAN, but its killing me, equals to i CANT.
daymnnn.

this thing da jd 3 days in a row. nk ckp aku jek yg fike bukan2, tp, tkkn laa smpi 3 days in a row sei??
1. tk pandang nk senyom pon.
2. tk toleh langsong.
3. si dier jln another way. (this one, idk whether mmng dier tkde niat pon or aku jek fike bkn2)

...

si dier ckp nk berubah. tk kn buat bende2 mcm tu lagi. tp, lps dier critekn, lagi laa mcm2 aku fike.
btol ker dier bole beruba? betol ker tk kn buat? btol ker kwn2 jek?
n paleng GRR skali, lau dier ckp or crk kesalahan aku just to tutop pantat dier.
lau nie part jd lagi, amek ko!!!

...

aku tk tau. mmng nk percaye tp susa. nk act percaye pon tkleh sei.
penat tau ditipu.
maybe mmng betol urh, dier tk bohong now. but nnti2?
haizzzzzzzz.

...

n ohh, dalamer gilerr ehh tk tules kat sini.
e plc yg aku punye spelling n language ekot suke hati aku.
haha.

new life, new someone, but u-turn, e same old story -_________-''

insyallah tk.
amin.

hiatus for quite sometime.
was forced to delete this lj.
y? coz he dont want pple to read bad and fact stuffs about him.
hAhh!!!

now im back again.
but will have to always activate n deactivate this lj.
what to do, cant bloody change the url.

im more sensitive now = he's will be an irritant n an annoying one to me all the time (even for a tiny miny little mistake)
not controlled by his remote control no more!!!

wajajajjajajajajjajajajajaaaa!!!

OMG!!!
BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI! BENCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KNNBTCBI!!!

pagi2 dah gado!!!
irritating nk mampos.
ckp aku ego, sndr pon ego tk ckp!!!
aku aku salah siket, ego dier tkder, tk gado laa pantat!
!#@$#@%$^#$^)(*&^%$@#$%^&*(*&^^%!%^%^)_)(%$%^#&^_!!!

nk org fhm diri dier jek, tp tk nk fike psl org laen.
selfish motherfucker!!!

yesterdays yesterday night, wednesday, we fought again.
haha.
something soo USUAL that theres nothing to be surprised off anymore.
huhu.
is was a big one.
ehk, make no diff actually, its ALWAYS a big one every time.

the start of if was when he asked me "u going to sch tomorrow?" for the 3rd? 4th? 5th? time when i already asked him to fucking stop to ask that question as ive ALREADY answered it YES YES YES!!! but he still ask. i didnt answer n just replied "ive answered it just now". he got angrier. like when was the last time he didnt? haha. so yea. he ask n ask n ask for AN HOUR~ wuhuuu~

blablabla. i gave in. answered his question. but he still ask again as "i dont like ur tone" hAhh!!!

blablabla.

before putting down. asked him for a favour. "can i have a 1 day off tomorrow"
i bloody seriously need it seiii!!!
guess wat "no! i wont allow u to have any day off! jgn nak merepek day off day off nie semue!"
blablabla.
put down.
msged him "i need to"
talked on e phone AGAIN.
he asked the reason.
i need a break, i want to miss u, i dont wanna fight, etc.
i even said "actually, i HATE U!!!"
feeling unsatisfied, he asked me again n again "r u sure u hate me?"
he said "if so, i will leave u. i cant be tgt with someone who hates me"
i said yes yes yes.
end up, i just said "its actually more to binget n irritated"
(really want to be single man!!! but cant make myself to lose someone right now. whatz more, sunday will be our 7th monthsary + 41 days)
so yea, i GAVE IN.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
yesterday, thursday. wanted to msg atie something like "im walking to sch. u done?" but sent it to him.
he replied "what??"
me:            "sry, sala anta"
him:           "nice.. call me now."

EURGGH!!!

he didnt believed that i wanted to msg atie. he thought it was for another guy. wth? tuptup. "i'll meet u after ur training"
SO BLOODY RANDOM SAKK!!!
feeling insecure izzit???!!

so yea. after training, he asked me to wait in sch. another UNUSUAL thing!!! can meet at the stn right?
HE WAS SOOO UNUSUAL YESTERDAY.
wanna be mr nice guy izzit? but sorry laa, its too UNUSUAL for me to accept it. so not u. acting izzit? blehh.

whole night, gave me suprise kisses, suprise hugs.
so not u man!!!
ohh yea. he asked if that msg was really for atie.
nmpk sah INSECURE.
FULLSTOP.

not in sch. eurggh. put down supppper late last night.
selfish.
i noe u 1 things 2 settle b4 putting down, but please laa, im schooling!
eurggh.

things went superrr looooong n draggggggy last nite.
i SERIOUSLY cant stand his ngade2 anymore!!!

(he just called btw, didnt gt strght 2 the point, which makes me qn n here we go agn~)

kk back.
his ngade2 is soooo going from bad to worst day by day.
ngade2 manje acceptable laa.
cute.
but this one aint cute anymore.
its irritating n gettin on ma nervessssss which can explode anytime!!!

ure a cute n adorable boy, cant hide that.
everytime i got angry, it will be cooled down by looking at ur cute pics.
but its temporary.
after that, the anger will burn up again.
we seriously cant talk on the phone n msn.
should stop it now or it will make everything worst.

i noe, to u its not about the phone or msn, its about me.
about me talking to u rudely.
u cant accept that, which make us gado.
tell me who can stand n be mute like a doll when kene cocok?
maybe there is laa sumone out there, but not me.

"jgn nk mcm paham bbual kurang ajar biler u dah buat sala"
he said that.

yea, i did the kesalahan, but its not sala to me, just to u.
tolong laa, jgn nk jealous (or whatever u describe it as if its not jealous) tk kene tempat!
overrr giler!

asl?
insecure per skrg?
takot kene batang hidong balek?
hAhh!!!

he's kindof weird these few dayz or shud i put it week(s)?
huhu...
not weird as in the suspicious kind, bt weird as he's a different one compared to those days.
kindof like the early days we gt to noe each other type of behavior.
nicer.
more loving.
more caring.
more manje-ing.
more contacting.
and not to forget,
more NGADE2-ing.

told him his 'ngade2' this few days were adding on and on aand the reason he gv 4 that was bcoz i didnt layan him?
yeayeaa...
part aku tk layan, pndi nk act mcm nie sumer.
yg dulu tu sumer ko luper?

tannkz arh aniwae for showing me all this care n concern.
we'll see if its just a temporary one.
i wont gv in just too soon.
but i WILL someday.

not that i want to take revenge.
but i really think u need to feel this way too.
if not, u wont realise ur mistake n continue with the crap seeing that im ok bout it.

hope everything will get ok soon.

dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is he still acting???